August 2010
41 posts
fill the [feel-good]
for some reason, i feel great, like genuinely good. seeing as i didnt go to bed til 5, this is a bit of a mystery to me. so cross your fingers, and lets hope this isnt a buffer for a dark time.
fill the [need]
time for a haircut and shave i believe. to keep the scruff or not? what do you think?
“I only got myself
And this big old world
When I sip that cup of life
With my...”
– Aristocats [fuck yeah!]
July 2010
49 posts
“As soon as your born you start dying, so you might as well have a good time!”
– Cake - “Sheep Go to Heaven, Goats Go To Hell”
fill the [taste]
imagine this:
first a sweet sting. then slowly, with increasing speed, a dull burn aches your taste buds and hits the back of your mouth. it spreads, while taking it’s time, and meanders its way into the creavices of your mouth. nothing direct however, just a gentle, loving burn that fades ever so slowly. bitterness hits the tip of your tongue, makes you flick it this way and that to get it...
fill the [return]
finally home from oregon. i cant even remember how many days i spent there, as they all start to blend into one giant beach-hopping, dune crushing, food enjoying day. i’ve returned with many treasures, my most prized being fudges and chocolates from a very equisite shop up in bandon, best damn stuff i’ve ever had. my second most prized would be aggates, because before today, i’ve...
fill the [break-in-the-2-post-rule]
thank you cecilia for all your great comments. if i could i would respond. but damn tumblr doesnt let me do that, something about it being too difficult for me to leave a comment on my own post, or something on the god tier of dumbness like that. so this is in gratitude of everything you’ve said!
sincerely,
[blank]
fill the [style]
it seems most of my posts are about experience or knowledge that most everyone already knows. [in between the complaints, responses and shocks that is]. that can mean a few things:
a] i lead a very average life
b] my posts are very average
c] im a little boring
d] all the above
lets play it safe and go with a =) [an option i am more than averagly okay with]
fill the [power]
money is power. i like power. i like having the ability to make a decision. i like money. it makes me feel good. money = power. power = more control. more control = more decisions. more decisions = more control. more control = more power. more power = more money.
i like that equation.
but with all good things comes a sacrifice, and a danger. money, or making it, comes with the sacrifice of...
fill the [power]
today i realized something that i should have realized a long time ago.
money is power.
i was in a shop in bandon, oregon, and i looked at a rack of potental buys, and i realized that i have power.
the last time i looked at this wall, i did not have money.
and now i look at it, and it shows me endless possibilities. the only thing i added to the equation is money. money brought me[or more...
fill the [scene]
dead and dying bodies litter the beach. small bodies, empty, broken, crackle underneath your feet.
this place is full of the dead.
harsh battle cries are released from the birds of war. they hunt for living bodies, and will attack on sight. broken armor from underground warriors speckle the beach in a white mist. they are sharp, and break the skin. they also give a surprisingly pleasing crunch...
fill the [insult]
so many god damn commercials on TV! i dont ever watch it, so having it on vacations is like a treat, except it has the feel bad feeling afterward. there are so many damn commercials! do they think im retarded? i do not need to see the same thing over and over again in order to change my opinion. i need results. i need self experience. i need billy mays. i just need to watch my house. good night!
fill the [sink]
i feel that my communication is slowly dying. im becoming more attuned with where i am now, more involved in my activites. my long distance communication is suffering as a result. i give a little, i lose a little. not a good equation if you ask me.
but im having fun. and im re-experiencing everything i enjoyed as a child.
so time for me to get off of this, time to explore. but i forgot one...
fill the [nostalgia]
while walking to a sacred place, i see a sign that says “did you know you are standing on an ancient dune?”
this creature is ancient, and i am a mere new visitor in its life span of thousands of years, even though i have been here too many times to count. i am a bacteria, a virus, a free radical, encroaching and disturbing its mighty sleep.
after a short walk, the sky becomes...
fill the [damage]
as much as i would like to believe it, this is no different from any other web-based communication site. the only difference here, as opposed to fb chat, is that you can show more than you would be comfortable with on something as instant, racey, and open as that. the intended audience here is all you want it to be. huge, or just one person. yet you can lay your traps around, you can play games,...
fill the [weekend]
if there is one thing i hate in this world, its the feelings of being disliked. future posts may explain why, but i just get illogically disappointed at myself when someone dislikes me. [which is funny, because i can very easily admit to not liking someone else] i also hate the feeling of being alone. i am quick to speak thoughts out loud in an empty house, and cherish the company of others...
fill the [response]
i have bad intentions.
i always have.
that does not mean that i am terrible. that i am wrong.
and that doesnt mean that i cannot be surprised, because, believe me, i was.
not even in my dreams did i play that through.
every day a mystery unfolds, but it can’t always be like that.
humans are creatures of habit, new, surprising things, if they happened all the time, would not be a...
fill the [sickness]
i feel weak. sore movements and a sore mind find every loose cavity of my body, and fill it with a cement that makes every movement a creaking, aching ordeal. protective glands swell and try to keep up and destroy what is destroying me.
but in no way is this just physical.
besides the aches, besides the pains, is something deeper, much deeper.
exhaustion haunts everything. no matter where i...
thebloodinyourveins asked: i need you to help me make my blog theme thing look cool, i tried with html custom thing but i can't figure it out cause im a retard.. so please please please :)
fill the [recipe]
fuck yeah, blueberry scones!
[i made em, and my house smells of greatness, cross your fingers that they taste as good as they smell! =P ]
fill the [love]
i am confident now that i have a brother. not one who shares my rh genotypes, or blood clotting factors, but one that exists in the soul. one that is linking to me, knows me, hears me, one that is associated with me.
i know now that there is nothing that can compare to this. this man is not blood, but he is [life]blood. he is not family, but he is [soul]family. he is my brother.
[notice now,...
fill the [enemy]
sleep is an enemy. sleep is something i have to hunt, to capture, to attack and to kill in order to drink in its benefits. sleep is a wild animal, calming, and seductive, that can kill you without a moments hesitation.
tonight, im going to kill this beast, without a single remorse. no regret, no doubt.
tonight, i will win.
as i approach the gates to sleep’s calm habitat, i slip something...
fill the [faces]
i am a man of secrets. [ i am a man of burdens.] i am a man of truth’s. [ i am a man of lies.] i am a man of satisfaction. [ i am a man of lust.] i am a man of love. [ i am a man of hate.] i am a man of motives. [ i am a man of intentions.] i am a man of reactions. [i am a man of interactions.] i am a man of life. [ i am a man of creation.] i am a man of discovery. [i am a man of...
fill the [prediction]
i come home after an empty venture to an empty home. well, almost empty. a fatherly figure lies sleeping on a bed of dreams and comfort. i blunder in, not trying to be stealthy, but silent none the less. even though i was out for dinner, i am filled with hunger. an insatiable thirst, and a feeling familiar, but not recognizable. at least, not yet. i quickly take off my physical remembrances of the...
fill the [response]
all’s well that ends well, and well, all of us are well on our way to an end.
i would like to pretend that the world is composed of two things. suffering, and pleasure. everything else is either built off these, or builds up these.
now thats not to say that suffering and pleasure are the only two emotions to exist, they are just easy to relate too, very powerful, and complicated enough...
fill the [fatigue]
im spent.
slowly, ever so slowly, a nice dull warm hue has applied itself to my vision. it makes everything look like i am remembering something. the edges get fuzzy, so that my peripheral vision, my second defense and only warning to hidden dangers, is disarmed. i do not think of movement anymore, it just happens. feet wonder aimlessly, but with a sense of purpose, like a secretly worried leader...
fill the [composition]
i push, you push back.
i push, and you shove.
i push, and you playfully pit your force against mine.
[a change in perception, is a change is depth.] you know what i am. you know the truth. but so do we all. [i am a composition of reactions and interactions. i am a decision, the answer to a stream of questions.] i kiss. and you kiss back. [mirror, mirror, on the wall.] if i knew what you were,...
fill the [push and pull]
at what point does my pleasure outweigh another person’s suffering?
assuming that all people consist of a space, fillable by emotion. and when one emotion [pleasure] is given, then another emotion [suffering] is transfered from the first person to the other connected person, and the connected person loses some of their pleasure. now lets assume we all are balances at the start. half...
Anonymous asked: WHYZZ YOUZE BE ORANGE?
fill the [disappointment]
there was a day when i made up my mind. there was a day when i knew what i wanted, and i had a structure to get it. there once was a day when i told myself, i convinced myself, that she would not be the one that got away. that i wouldnt be held by regret, that i would not be the victim of my own mind’s ridicule. i told myself this, and i failed. there was a goal, and i did not reach it....
fill the [charm]
balance is necessary in life. it determines what action comes next. what card will have to be played, and how you will live your life. there is no telling the next card however. there is no way to predict when or how a balancing act will occur. these are things that are only discovered when reflected upon. these are things that are blinded and overcome by the simplest of emotions [love, hate,...
“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be...”
– Matthew 7:7-8
fill the [game]
When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyyes, I all aloone beweep my ouutcast state And trouble deaf hheaavven with my bootless cries And look upon myseelf and curse my fate, Wishing me like to onne more rich in hoope, Feattured like hhim, like hiim with friennds possess’d, Desiringg this man’s artt and that man’s scoope, With what I most enjoy contented leastf; Yeet...
fill the [gap]
already i can feel my heart beating. i havn’t even stepped outside yet. it’s safe here in the car right? i can just dream up all i want. i can dream up how many ways it can go right, what will happen, how it will end.
what? i’m walking? i resist the urge to pinch myself. i must be dreaming. at least, that’s what it feels like looking back.
i can feel skin now. meek...
fill the [fear]
fear. something no one can live without. it haunts dark alley’s and overtakes lightless rooms. it sits just outside your window, just past the light circle around the campfire. its threshold is in the noises of the night, silence of the day, and through mental images that flash and play at your eyes, making you think for, just a second, that that was, in fact, very real.
fear is a drug. it...
fill the [luck]
today was great. i woke up feeling great. the computer game i was trying to download finally worked. i went to work to find it calm, serene, and then had a rubber band fight there. it was great. we got to close early even. [something isn’t quite right here…] i hung out with great friends, made even better memories watching beautiful fireworks. [why am i getting so lucky, this isnt...
fill the [gluttony]
i am now an axis general.
fill the [deprivation]
i know this feeling all too well. its almost like a dull ache in your brain. something about staying up past 2 triggers your body to try and null its way into sleep. eye lids are noticable heavy, but forces counterweight them up. limbs and responses are reduced. electric signals and reactions slow. you need sleep. your mind needs to rest. so what are you waiting for?
fill the [dream]
this dream i’ve been recently living, is very real. no longer do i have to wonder, i know what is happening, and i have the power to do and change what i want. no longer am i covered by the insurance of being able to wake up and think it all away. but with great risks, came even greater pleasure. the ferocity, intensity, and limber ideals of my dream are intensified as ecstasy dulls and...
fill the [requirement]
well, have to follow my rule of 2 here and post in duo’s. [it’s in the unofficial rule book for making a good blog, rule #4: always have a set structure, even if its chaos, and follow it.] not every first or second post is public however, so you’ll have to trust me on this one.
on a less serious note then my previous posts. a certain someone has pretty much seen right through...
fill the [vertigo]
what kind of world is this where we defend our enemies yet attack our friends?
the right one.
We have friends to make ourselves better. they reflect us. we reflect them. we absorb them into our character, steal their best traits, and augment our personalities with the little pieces of them. They are also our checks and balances. they know you, and so they keep you in line with what should and...
